Happy to know I'm not crazy!

[mousie]

Asked by my psychologist if I feel things or see things, and my answer being "I know things most people don't know, or that most people don't want to know" leading to her next question "does the radio tell you these things", I started to think, maybe I really am crazy. BUT CRAZY FELT SO GOOD! Nothing felt better than walking down the street and smiling the smile of a lunatic who just loved everything around her!

For years I was searching for something I couldn't find in the Catholic, then Protestant Church. I left both churches when their usual response to the wrongdoings of the world were "in God's plan". I never understood why people were so bad to each other. Now I know that these people have lost their wholeness, their connection with each other, and God, in search for material gain.

After watching Zeitgeist (very vague), moving on to Esoteric Agenda and Hijacking Humanity, I realized that in order to be truly FREE I had purge my own demons, no church was going to do it for me. And by demons, I strictly mean, my own separation from all that is joyous. So I began to read. And read. AND READ. I haven't watched television in so long that I couldn't tell you who the next big star is, or the newest reality show. Who is Miley Cyrus anyway?

My attempt to obtain knowledge is completely exclusive of the knowledge of today's world, which is self-defeating and depressing. Nothing worse than someone telling me that because I ask "why" I'm forever going to be damned for questioning God's great plan. I believe I shape my own destiny, and God loans me the tools to do so, and only when I need them.

I read the posts here, and boy oh boy I feel like an idiot. I went from feeling like I knew something nobody else knew, to knowing that I know absolutely NOTHING in the grand scheme of things. On one side of the coin, I feel lost and confused, and on the other I feel empowered because not knowing means my search is not over! I've always thought, spiritual death only occurs when you think you know it all, and stop asking why and how things happen, and throw your hands up and scream "EUREKA I'm a genius!!"

My only hope is that I can obtain even a shard of the knowledge of the ancients that was once a great crystal orb (metaphorically speaking). Maybe then I can shed my feelings of loss and resentment, bitterness and defeat, which are glued to my soul and holding me back from reaching my spiritual potential of unconditional love and empathy.

Any pointers, throw them at me, maybe one will knock me in the head and I can say "ah, I THINK I get it" haha.

May you feel the abundant love and harmony in the universe as I have at least once.

[Haruth]

Hey Mousie. Welcome to the forum

Sounds like you will have much in common with many of the members here. (The crazy part if nothing else... ) I'm sure you will find much to pique your interest.

Look forward to learning, growing and sharing with you.

Namaste

[redbear]

Hello Mousie and welcome!

On one side of the coin, I feel lost and confused...

I think many of can say ditto to that. I also think it's part of THE PLAN (whatever that is) as so many of us have to visit the Lost & Confusion Department which, I've just realised, seems to have many doors in to it and very few out - and they're nearly always locked!

[Echo]

Be Welcome, Mousie!

And come and join the rest of the lunatic fringe There are more of us around than you might think.. as you'll find on this forum. You're certainly not alone here

[MoonDance]

Greetings and Welcomes! I felt as you do and now I dont feel at all! (Joking) I hope you find friends and acceptance at this forum.

Blessings From The DarkMoon
Nyla

[mousie]

Thank you everyone for the warm welcomes. You all made me feel not so.... alone....on this journey.

[EarthBow]

Hiya Mousie, and welcome.

From reading your intro, I suspect that your psychologist might be crazy. ;-)

Entering the world of the esoteric after a lifetime in traditional religions can be intimidating. I suspect you are doing exactly what you should be doing.... reading a wide range of materials in order to get a good feel for the topic.

Don't feel that you have to accept one path while rejecting the rest. Many on this road find truth in many different aspects of esoteric schools of thought. Use what works for you, lose what doesn't. There is no guilt associations with choosing a unique path.

'We all cross the same river called life, but the water is different for each of us" I forget where I read that. <shrug>

By the way, I have an extensive library of books covering a wide range of esoteric knowledge and world mythology. These are digitized (.pdf format) and I would be happy to provide you with more reading material if you are interested. Just let me know what topic interests you, and I will send you what info I have on that topic. I ask nothing in return.

Be well,

EarthBow