Friends and Spiritual Growth?

[ShadowFox]

I have a few old friends, as all of us people do. Friends that I've shared past experiences with, had a lot of crazy (and sometimes a bit dumb) fun with. We've achieved together, failed together, and basically lived with together.

Friends are something to be treasured, aren't they?

But also friends have their own limitations. Sometimes they are unable to be conscious of their own personality quirks. Sometimes they deny that there is something that they need to change within themselves. they need to work on. Sometimes we outgrow them in terms of maturity.

What lead me to think of this is that I've realized that in my pursuit of enlightenment, I've become very different from whom I was before. What used to amuse me no longer does. The same of lines of thought and vibrations that used to be a staple of our company now is bland and sometimes even nauseating to me. When I was a child, childish thought was my thought. But now I've progressed beyond childhood but my old friends have not.

How does one come to terms with this? What does one do when you find yourself different from your friends? Do you avoid them altogether? Do you continue to hang out in the same old ways like before? But then why would you take the chance? Associating yourself with those of a lower consciousness could drag you back down to their level. I'm not saying this self-righteously, these are friends that I've grown up with, lived and almost died with. They have been a big part of my life. But what do you do when they laugh at you for learning about the sacred and divine? What do you do when they are laughing at others people's expense while you yourself only feel love and compassion for those same people? You try to teach them love but they laugh at you and scorn you and ask "what's wrong with YOU?"

This is what I'm experiencing. I wish to learn what you think about this and how you might (or even already did) handle it. I believe that this in an important lesson in life that all of us have to learn sometime. May we all learn something here.

[Echo]

We've probably all been there, Shadow, its part of growing, both in natural terms of age, and especially in the Mysteries.

We grow at different speeds, and in different directions. Tastes and goals shift and evolve.

"When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things. For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known. "

As one progresses in the Mysteries one is inevitably brought into contact with like minded people with whom one can share what becomes possibly the deepest and most intense side of one's life. There is a tendancy to gravitate towards those who share your interests.

But that does not mean that the other sides of the personality should not have fun too, and share a different kind of love and closeness with friends. Many of these friends and aquaintances will, inevitably, become the 'natural wastage' as your futures change direction and home, work family occupy time and attention.

Discretion is the key, I think. While there is no reason to deny the inner life, it doesn't need to be shouted about.. circumstances dictate when to speak and when to keep silent. Very few people of my aquaintance have ever known of my studies. Most have picked up that I may be a little 'weird'.

It is only recently, through painting, writing .. and very recently radio.. that I have chosen to 'go public' with my personal beliefs. One of the main reasons for my reticence has been my children. I didn't think they needed to grow up with their Mum branded as the local 'witch'.. a complete misnomer, but that would have been the inevitable, if erroneous conclusion Even my partner still calls me a witch, with little interest and less knowledge.

[Briony Haldane]

It has been my experience that as we grow and move along our path, our vibration changes. When the vibrations of our friends do not, the vibrational gap usually causes these old relationships to fall away. This is part of the cycle of life and death and applies to relationships as well. When you no longer enjoy the company and activities of your friends, it is time to let those relationships go. This doesn't mean that you need to make a dramatic break with your friend/s, it will probably be quite a natural process if you allow it to evolve. What I have found is that my old friends no longer enjoy my company in the same way either. So when I say "no thanks" to an invitation, they are likely to be as relieved as I am. When people are no longer on the same "wavelength", they are unlikely to enjoy the same compatibility as they did when they were. Allow the old to fall away and seek out friends whose vibration, activities and interests more closely match yours. Trying to prop up dead friendships is a thankless task.

[Celtaur]

Associating yourself with those of a lower consciousness could drag you back down to their level. I'm not saying this self-righteously, these are friends that I've grown up with, lived and almost died with. They have been a big part of my life. But what do you do when they laugh at you for learning about the sacred and divine? What do you do when they are laughing at others people's expense while you yourself only feel love and compassion for those same people? You try to teach them love but they laugh at you and scorn you and ask "what's wrong with YOU?"

I know this too well. I have a few times in my life cut off relationships because I did not resonate with them anymore. A part of me has felt guilty, even selfish for doing so. But also another part of me realizes that I need to honor my own path. I have wondered though, because I know some of my friends really liked me, and I turned away. If it was hurtful to them I have wondered and often felt sorry for breaking things off so quickly.

We become our company... if your company (friends) do not respect your growth or feel aligned with your path of maturity, things won't feel the same and you'll naturally move on. But I understand the dilemma, because sometimes ties are strong, sometimes complicated, and then there is the fear of being self-righteous and judgmental of others character.

This brings up emotions for me personally as well, and past circumstances.

I think though, as we get older we become more specific, more refined, more aware of what we do and do not like. Most older people I know have a select few friends who are close, while others are acquaintances. I think it also reflects the common saying that "Older people are set in their ways." As we grow we become more aware of what we will and will not accept and become more attuned to honoring our own life experience, rather than having others mold it for us.

When I became vegan years ago, I felt like my path was drastically changing, my choices and views were changing, I was realizing my own identity, my own choices and focus. I was young, still growing, still finding myself, and I was really self-righteous on my new path, and very judgmental of others who didn't see the world through the vision I did. I put up strong walls along with my strong will and became a force of division between myself and others. Although I am no longer vegan, I can see that it was an important part of my self awareness, personal growth, and had many challenges in how I lived and who I shared my life with. It was a difficult transition of self identity. For all the compassion and love I had for nature and innocent animals, I was brutal in my opinion of people, and I became closed off to many, even angry.

As I matured through my own growth, I realized the damage I was doing to my spirit. For all the spirituality I thought I had instilled in me by my choices, I was blind for some time to how the polarization of my spiritual ideals had driven me. I was forceful, even brutal in my judgments to others, and it was really unfair.

One way I come to realize that although the energy of others may not be aligned with my own, I can now see that on a higher level we are aligned. We are all born as innocent babies, we will all pass away one day and return to that same innocence. When I recognize that same unity within others, all the ideas, all the personality traits that act as masks to our inner truth, pass away. Although others may not be aligned with your energy at this time, and it is a time for you to discover yourself in new ways, there is a deeper energy, hidden beneath those masks that we all share.

I'm not perfect... There are people I have never reconnected with because I don't want to subject myself to the old ways I have outgrown. I don't want to be reminded of the past that they will remind me of, but at times I remember them, and have a sense of guilt. But there are good times in the past that can be remembered. I think it's important to remember the good times, see the good, and when making judgments see the positive aspects of the relationship too. If it's time to move on, I think things will slowly happen. Forcing things too quickly can cause pain, but also you must honor yourself. If you feel that being in the company of others will bring you down, trust that you know what is best for you, but be kind in the process. You never know what the future holds, and when you may need your friends so moving on in goods terms may be a more wise method of following your destiny.

Having faith in synchronicity will help... things will fall into place as they are meant to, you will attract what is meant for you as you grow, it's all part of the path.

[Blank Rune]

I have experienced what you are speaking about. I decided to handle it on a case by case basis. I also decided I would visit with my old friends one on one rather than in groups and I would keep my visits short and pleasant. I planned to try and steer away from anything negative, but try and keep the subject in an area they could relate to. I also focused on trying to be a good example.

Unfortunately, we drifted away from each other eventually and in one case I had to walk away. As it turns out only one of the friends I grew up with is someone I can enjoy continued friendship with...I am glad I tried to maintain my friendships with the people I grew up with and feel that one day maybe more of my old friends will join the spiritual path and maybe we can enjoy friendship once again.

I hope this helps ShadowFox.

N. _________

[redbear]

I'm sure your friends don't wish to deliberately hurt you by their comments ShadowFox but sometimes fear of change makes us say and do things in haste we might normally not do.

I went through something very similar to what you're experiencing now. Some of my old friends I met on the first day at school when I was 5 years of age. We were in the same class all the way through primary, infant and high school and three of us even took the same courses at College. But although we had so many shared paths there came a point when, without me even realising it, I had somehow shifted and was moving in a different direction. I vividly realised a change when one evening I just couldn't laugh at what they were laughing at - somebody else. I remember seeing them in a different light and at times I honestly wasn't comfortable with what I saw so like you I started saying 'No thank you' when one would ring to organise a night out.

It was very difficult as I'd talked to my best friend about it and she simply didn't understand. Not that I can hold that against her because at the time I didn't comprehend much of it myself so it was understandable that she in turn told the others and then, (imagined or real), I thought I saw them looking at me differently and making odd comments to try and trip me up. I was certainly the cause of some jokes which I would just catch the end of if I had been away from the group and returned.

In the end, and being utterly selfish because I was so hurt over it all, I stopped seeing them in one swoop. I decided that was the best thing (for me).

For a while I did feel lonely because there was no-one to talk to about it but I had this huge appetite for knowledge that could not be assauged so I devoured anything and everything, flitting from one thing to another and then back again - theosophy, gnostism, spiritualism, sufism etc and with no interent in those days, fuel was literature.

During this time (over two years) my sustinance and inspiration was books, bookshops and libraries and I rarely went anywhere without my 'rocks' - Idries Shah's 'Caravan of Dreams' and Khalil Gibran's 'Voice of the Master'. These two books offered support through a difficult time. Think of them as my props and at times I leant on them heavily yet when I was least expecting it I met someone through a chance conversation, further introductions ensued and before you know it a corner was turned.

It can be hard going through what you're experiencing now ShadowFox and all I can say is for some of us it's a necessary part of the process. It's like leaving an old life behind and walking to meet a new one, you have to do it but feel guilty because you're the one walking away and breaking the ties. You're the one changing the status quo.

But I believe there's something empowering within all of this because when you truly acknowledge and embrace Change, you have the opportunity to become friends and from that moment onwards you're never lonely.

[eastcoastrose]

People come into and out of your life for a reason. Good or bad it is all a learning experience, you should still talk to your friends, and love them. But relantionships change, people change. They may feel the same way about their own path.

You can only change yourself and hope that others come to your level, if not still love them anyways.

[Whyan]

When the vibrations of our friends do not, the vibrational gap usually causes these old relationships to fall away.

Except when ours are strong enough to influence them and get them into resonance?

Learning about divine doesn't mean one have to abandon their social network. See how things develop, relationship die away when it's time to end, and will survive when it's still meant to be. Try your best but don't try to force it.

Sometimes relationship cycles just get into a stop mark when completed (in sense of karmic-related). What needed to be done has been finished, and if it is made to continue, it develops into new form of relationship. If you think it's that important, it's worth the try.

[Merlyn]

This is something I relate to very closely, ShadowFox.

Echo mentioned that people may view her as 'a bit weird' ... I think I exude 'weird'.. it emanates from the pores of my very skin and it's tendrils curl around the fears of people I meet, or even pass in the street, and so they instantly judge from that place of fear and resistance within themselves. They cut the conversations short and hurry away, or simply cross the street to avoid passing through my energy.

I don't dress that differently to anyone else, I don't carry a placard saying 'WEIRD, PLEASE AVOID'. I am polite, at least in the first instance, I smile (mind you, that's enough to send people running these days ).

Very rarely have I had to make the decision to energetically move away from an old friendship. They have a tendancy to go out in spectacular fashion, exploding over something and nothing. It used to leave me distressed and perplexed, if not more than a little hurt.
Yet, I've come to realise that what the ferocity of the explosion brings, is a finality that's probably not unwelcome on both sides. I then no longer have any concerns about revisiting 'old ground'.

Standing on the other side of the fence for a moment, i realise that the distress and confusion must be at least equal for the other person. I no longer fit into their energy field, I'm challnging to have as a friend, I ask too many questions, albeit on a non-vocal level mostly... I have them outside of their comfort zone and they want back in.

Whether it's right for you to nurture those old connections, striving to find common ground (of which there will be progressively less). Whether you allow the energy to gently fade, flowing with the change, or whether, like me, change takes you to another room and slams the door shut behind you, turns the key and solidly slides the bolts into place.. Just allow what feels right and good for you, not only honouring your own path, but the paths of those who empowered your past.